It’s difficult to pull just one soundbite from Jimmy Kimmel‘s explosive takedown of the Graham-Cassidy health care bill and those hawking it, because the late-night host had choice words for Senator Bill Cassidy (the bill’s co-sponsor), Fox News’ Bill Kilmeade, New Jersey governor Chris Christie, and President Donald Trump.
“So last night on our show, a senator from Louisiana, Bill Cassidy, I took him to task for promising to my face that he would oppose any health care plan that allowed insurance companies to turn people with pre-existing conditions away, and any health care plan that had an annual or lifetime cap on how much they would pay out for medical care,” Kimmel began on his show Wednesday night. “He said anything he supported would have to pass what he named ‘The Jimmy Kimmel Test,’ which was fine, it was good, but unfortunately — and puzzlingly — he proposed a bill that would allow states to do all the things he said he would not let them do. He made a total about-face, which means that he either doesn’t understand his own bill or he lied to me. It’s as simple as that.”
Cassidy went on CNN Wednesday morning and said of Kimmel’s initial remarks, “I’m sorry he does not understand [the bill].” What ensued was Kimmel’s epic rebuttal.
“Oh, I get it. I don’t understand because I’m a talk-show host, right? Well then, help me out. Which part don’t I understand?” he said. “Is it the part where you cut $243 billion from federal health-care assistance? Am I not understanding the part where states would be allowed to let insurance companies price you out of coverage for having pre-existing conditions? Maybe I don’t understand the part of your bill in which federal funding disappears completely after 2026; or maybe it was the part where the plans are no longer required to pay for essential health benefits, like maternity care or pediatric visits; or the part where the American Medical Association, The American College of Physicians, The American Academy of Pediatrics, The American Hospital Association, The American Cancer Society, The American Diabetes Association, The American Heart Association, Lung Association, Arthritis Foundation, Cystic Fibrosis, ALS, The National Multiple Sclerosis Society, and The March of Dimes, among many others, all vehemently oppose your bill.”
“Which part of that am I not understanding?” he continued. “Or could it be, Senator Cassidy, that the problem is that I do understand and that you got caught with your G-O-Penis out? Is that possible? Because it feels like it is.”
Kimmel then turned his attention to Kilmeade, who called the late-night personality one of the “Hollywood elites” “pushing their politics on the rest of the country.” The reason Kimmel found this remark “particularly annoying,” he claimed, was because Kilmeade “kisses my ass like a little boy meeting Batman” whenever they see each other.
“Oh, he’s such a fan. I think he’s been to the show, he follows me on Twitter, he asked me to write a blurb for his book — which I did — he calls my agent looking for projects. He’s dying to be a member of the ‘Hollywood elite.’ The only reason he’s not a member of the ‘Hollywood elite’ is that no one will hire him to be one,” Kimmel said. “And you know, the reason I’m talking about this is because my son had an open-heart surgery and has to have two more, and because of that, I’ve learned that there are kids with no insurance in the same situation. I don’t get anything out of this, Brian, you phony little creep. Oh, I’ll pound you when I see you. That is my blurb — that would be my blurb for your next book: ‘Brian Kilmeade is a phony little creep.’”
Christie also criticized Kimmel for his remarks on the health care bill, but the comedian said the governor can get away with it because, as he joked of Christie earlier, he too got his head “stuck in a bucket of fried chicken.” But he reasons that Trump, who’s hellbent on repealing ObamaCare, hasn’t read the Graham-Cassidy bill.
“He just wants to get rid of [ObamaCare] because Obama’s name is on it,” Kimmel said. “The Democrats should just rename it ‘Ivankacare.’ Guaranteed he gets on board. Can you imagine Donald Trump actually sitting down to read a health care bill? It’s like trying to imagine a dog doing your taxes. It just doesn’t compute.”
And for those confused, as Kimmel was initially, about what the new bill stipulates, the host has a simple coffee barista sketch to boil down the big points. Watch above.